So this trip was an overall success.
It wasn’t the greatest trip, but it was the shit storm it
could’ve been. It was long and there were missed connecting flights, hotel
stays, stuff missing, people missed, lost (forgotten really) ID and credit
card, crappy parking, disappointing brunch, horrible miscommunication that cost
use upwards of $100 on dinner, that all sucked. BUT there was a date (day and
night), whale watching, romantic dinner, drinks on a pier, family time, free
hotel rooms, clean laundry, and ocean. So overall, can’t really complain about
it.
The drama that went down was that there wasn’t any. Coming
from a family with abuse I saw it coming, but A, he did not. He thought his
family would at least text him to tell him that he was horrible, awful, hateful
(or that I was all of the above and he was stupid for being with me lol)… but
all he got was silence. Which, in all honesty, was the best way they could’ve
handled the situation. It just wasn’t what A expected, he’s so used to them
making him feel bad for everything he does good or bad (it’s rare that they
called him out for anything bad since he’s a good guy), so the silence caught
him off guard. He was ready for the fight. He was ready to answer the call and
say, “I have nothing to say to you and I don’t want to hear whatever it is you
think you have to say to me”, he rehearsed it in the car, on the plane, in the
hotel, etc. He was looking FORWARD to it… but it didn’t come. He was
disappointed and then the epiphany hit, it’s their pride. The egos they have
that are larger than Venus and how they are probably sitting around talking
shit (mostly about me, cause, you know, I’m the asshole) and how he should be
calling to apologize to THEM…
I told him after everything went down that I honestly don’t
know how much they would have to apologize before I would ever allow them to
get close enough to have the slightest possibility to hurt him again…or my son.
A says, there isn’t enough, they could grovel and apologize and make excuses
for their behavior, but there is no excuse for how they acted and what they
said. They did not misspeak, we asked for clarification, they gave it, mercilessly
they said exactly what they wanted to, and what they had obviously rehearsed. A
was hurt beyond words, I was shocked (I know, right? I should’ve expected it),
baby was happy baby as always, he doesn’t know any different.
I know it’s popular right now to say “I cant even”… but it
fits. I can’t even …
I can’t even …
…think of letting them back into our lives
…wonder what they are going to do next in regards to
connecting with us
…plan for future accommodations that allow them to be
near/with us
…look at this and think how much they would love for “us”
not be “us” but for it to be A & baby…
They are asshats for sure. I don’t wish any harm on them but
I really hope I never have to see/hear/think about them ever again… it won’t
happen but I can wish. Because the problem with abusive families is that they
get into your head. They might be out of sight and you might be out of their
minds but they are ALWAYS on your mind… taking possession of something they
have no right to, your joy. I’m constantly battling with the urge to look over
my shoulder to see who is watching me when I’m doing nothing wrong… but that’s
my mama llama drama. A is now constantly dealing with anxiety of “when will the
next round of fighting start” and the “will I be prepared for it”… and that
anxiety is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Family is rough
Having asshats for family is rougher.
The good news is that even with that drama (and lack
thereof) we had an amazing trip. We had fun. We had some great firsts that
included our first date night out, our first family vacation (that was an
actual VACATION), our first time with baby at beach, our first whale watching,
baby first time walking more than five steps, and our first real discussion
beyond NO NO NO NO NO on more kid(s)… which is still a no but at least we had a
real discussion on why we feel that way.
So yea. Good times.
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