A not so gifty "gift package"

Keep in mind this is a rant post (ie - don't judge me as I judge others)

gah

"we" received a "gift" package from SOMEONE's mother. I shall not name names....
Contained in this flat rate crushed on every side box were the following items
*1 mag for a rifle
*1 gift bag with a sweater for A
*2 cans of menudo
*1 Mincemeat See's candy for me
*1 Nut Log See's treat for A
*stack of random mail
*2 newsletter for A's parents town
*1 Hallmark ornament


NOW let's discuss, or rant rather/complain about receiving these gifts (which is not like me, give me a bag of crap I'll probably treasure it forever, it's the motives behind it that I'm complaining about. If you're going to be a twat be a twat and don't send anything, I'd be happy, but now... I'm peeved)

Mag for the rifle. Normal I would be giddy over this type of "gift" however, one it's broke (spring is GONE), and two it doesn't fit -any- of our rifles (yes that's plural)

The sweater, yeah that's two sizes too big. In a phone call later the comment was made to A of "not sure if she knows how to do laundry so I thought it gave her room to shrink it" ... are you KIDDING me!?! Even if I shrunk it three times it would still be too big... when he replied with "She wouldn't and I don't even think it's possible to shrink it that much" the response I overheard was "WELL, maybe you'll fit into after she fattens you up with her cooking"... good Lord....

Menudo... It's an acquired taste, something you really need to grow up with or have no taste buds to enjoy. If you burn you're tongue give it a try and dont pay attention to the texture. If you grew up with it, you probably love it. I kinda wish I did cause everyone makes a big deal about how amazing it is. A loves it so there were two small cans of it and he's happy. So all is well there. yay, finally I think...

Mincemeat... I LOVE See's candy. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT (my fat thighs are proof of this)... everything that I can eat without dying (nut allergy). I made ONE comment at Easter about the only thing that I don't like from See's is the Mincemeat, not sure why I just don't like it. So the ONE thing in the box with my name on it... the mincemeat. I give up and try to give the benefit of the doubt thinking that maybe she just heard my one statement but then I remember the DEBATE about bad chocolate at Easter and how she didn't like it either and we were arguing with A about what was wrong with it.... SO no... no benefit of a doubt for her, that was a twat move.

Nut Log for A... good job something he'll eat. OMG NO there's an expiration date on it... Please people. Help me understand this insane woman!!! Chocolate takes FOREVER to hit it's expiration date, it's almost impossible. The date you ask??? Oh that would be March of 2011.... I almost died laughing when A tried eating it and gagged. I think he's realizing how messed up this woman is... and I (for one) find that to be hilarious.

Random Mail... I'm talking RANDOM mail, with NOTHING important, oh except that FAT envelope from his college transcript office that is fricking MARKED -subpoena- on the front of the envelope.... Turns out, those are part of a lawsuit against his former company, nothing we're worried about but seriously, that was a month ago. The corporation is asking for them for God only knows what reason. And they were in a batch with the most random "want to subscribe to this" kind of mail....

The newsletters, these are monthly little publications that are put out about community events, you know the ones you can pick up at your city hall. Full of fun information for the whole family, politics even.... on a monthly basis. On the front of one is a handwritten note that reads: "Thought you would enjoy keeping up on your home, at least now when you come back you won't be confused on any of the changes"... This is a MONTHLY newsletter that talks about walks in the park and booths/games for kids.... are you KIDDING me... so when you come back??? Is she expecting him to go "home" next month??? He read through them and I ask, "anything change?" response "NO, no clue why she wrote that, nothing changed it's all little kids sports stuff...." .... dear sweet sweet baby Jesus.

The hallmark ornament. from 2011!!!! I have re-gifted in my life, usually gift cards that I know someone else would like more than me... but I have never re-gifted something USED. This is a white ornament with the year 2011... even though its 2012 with the sticker that says FREE with purchase of 5 holiday cards... I'm all for being frugal, you get something free and give it to me that's -awesome-, but don't leave the damn sticker on there.
oh it gets better. A opens it and laughs, it's not just broken, it's been broken and REPAIRED... if that's what you want to call it. Super glue champions. There's even a piece of last years tree stuck to the back of it.

I was dying with laughter

Here's how I look at it.

She's a twat. I could say end of story but I can't really cause the person I love, loves her. I can either say "well she's a flipping bitch" throw a fit and rant to him about all of this (which he's already upset about cause HE'S seeing what she's doing)... OR I can vent online where it's not hurting anyone's feelings and I feel like it's off my chest so I don't verbally assault her the next time I see her (which will be at our wedding!)... or worse, do this kind of shit back to her....

I choose to vent. So I realize this is off subject from my normal North Dakota experience posts but I needed to vent it out.

And I thought MY mother was a twat....

Dear God, Please don't ever allow me to act the way those women do. Let me forever be honest, rude, loud and outspoken.

It's a sweater, not a statement, though it should be

I got looks at a Walmart the other day over a sweater I was wearing. Not like a whore lack of sweater type of sweater, but a fricking tourist sweater. You know those sweaters, sold at mammoth lakes, tahoe, venie, etc. Places you are visiting when you realize you didn't pack a sweater but should have and now you're stuck paying way too much for a sweater.
I got mine while visiting a friend in Lancaster a few years back. I stayed longer than I planned and needed a sweater thanks to my cars heater not functioning all the way. Thankfully, it didn't say "Lancaster, pride of the valley" or something like that. It just has the bear logo and says California in bold letters. It's a hoodie. It's blue and most importantly its warm and comfy.
So for a whole week the weather was decent, I felt overdressed in my Rocky boots and parka. I think, hey I can be like these people and wear a shirt, jeans, sweater, and sneaker... I'll just tell myself that it's 60 not 6. It worked! Until I pulled out of the garage and it started snowing.
You all know my lack of effort in getting dressed/ready for the day combined with my laziness is nothing sort of tragic.
I say "eff it I'm going out I can do this".
I get to Wally World to get some "supplies" for the gift baskets I made this year to sell my Mary Kay stuff. (sold three already!!!) As I'm walking up a guy on a bike screams "yeaaaaaaaaaa cali-for-nia!!! LOVE IT CUTIE".... Shows how quick I am... I had no clue he was talking to me. I was already smiling so I'll just hope he saw me smiling and took that as acknowledgement. I keep walking (just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming swimming swimming). As I'm walking across the front of the store (I went in the side without a redbox so I was walking towards the other side to do that first) I hear a woman say "well! if you love California THAT much why are you here?!?" and I look around, thinking SOMEONE ELSE from California. must. find. new. friend.
no one just dirty, angry looks. I'm confused but that's normal.
So I return my movie, start walking to the gift wrap area and I hear more -little comments- about California.
Maybe it's all the crazy's in California, but unless you're willing to say something to my face, you generally don't make comments about someone when they within hearing range. Because when I turn around or look around, they turn their heads or walk away....
I'm standing in the aisle thinking REALLY!??!! It's a sweater! Not a statement. The only word is California. Not like it said
California, the center of energy
California, we get shit right the first time and when we don't we'll blame YOU
California, paradise cause where you live, SUCKS
and yet, the comments I heard were echo's of those statements.
so I check out and the cashier says, "Not from around here are you?" and I said "nope, what could've possibly given that away" and she just shakes her head. I check out and for the first time in years, I leave without saying thank you or have a good day. Of course, neither does she.
I get to the kennel where the cats are and as I walk in the girls working there say "way to advertise for your home state"
Get this, I'm so lame it wasn't until THAT moment that I realized they were talking about my sweater, and immediately told a friend on IM what was going on.
I ask and these girls are so sweet that they are totally honest with me and give me heads up on a lot of the stuff that goes on in North Dakota, what to expect, what not to do, what not to say. (like interstate, instead of the interstate, or the 94, just say interstate).
And they inform me that if you're wearing a logo that says anything other than something north dakota related you are saying you would rather be there. Apparently the guy on the bike was the only one who agreed with me that day.
They suggested I buy the same sweater only with the UND logo on it IF I wanted to stop hearing the comments. I asked if they ever bought sweaters while on vacation and one agreed full heartily. She has once from Venice (you know those ones that say lifeguard with the big white cross on them) but that she only  wears it at home, or while on vacation elsewhere.
I ask why she doesn't wear it around town and her response "people here like to talk crap about other states" apparently it's some sort of disrespect issue. Like every other state should be bowing down to the people of ND, for what??? They don't even know. But when other people come in from other states and do exactly what they do and live here in the cold, they are still not "real ND people"... its crazy.
I don't get it. I would like to think it's because I was born and raised in California where even with racial issues people are accepting of others. If you can hack it, you're one of us. I've met people here that have lived, worked, volunteered, and done charities in ND for over 20 years and still say they aren't considered North Dakotans....
So what do I do...
I make that sweater my general rotation sweater.
suck it up princesses.
It's cold here, but guess what, I can hack it just as much as you can...