Appendicitis in a far away place...

When someone you love is far away anything that happens to them can freak you out in an instant. That is the shit that happened to me last weekend.

I was at my sisters house for my nieces birthday party. I had just gotten there and my niece was sitting on my lap asking about the dress she’s going to wear when A called to say that he was back at his apartment already (he had gone out for drinks with co-workers) and not really feeling well. So this is around 7 pm my time (so 9pm for him). We chat about what’s going on and what it might be, what might help, what could fix, etc etc etc. It’s when I suggest a colon infection (my friend just had that, sounded similar) and his response was “my anus is fine” that I said ‘ok, well talk to you later, will call when I leave’. Well, I hear nothing further from him, the party is fine minus all the normal family drama and what not. I call him while I’m driving home since I realize it is now 11pm for him. He answers frantically yelling my name, short of breath, crying, and blatantly in pain. While saying that he’s driving to the emergency room and feels like his stomach is exploding. Keep in mind, this grown ass man has a license/cert thingy for EMT and is ALWAYS talking in clinical terms (much to his own detriment) no matter what is going on to/around him. So INSTANTLY a million things run through my head, at first I thought car accident but the stomach thing threw me. Soooo fast forward. He gets to the emergency room hands them the phone and screams “I’m having a medical emergency, my stomach is exploding, talk to her” … they called someone to take him away while asking me his date of birth, address, and all the other info that I MIGHT know… while I’m driving home…

It was an effed night to say the least. Every twenty minutes or so I would get a call. At 2am my time (4 am for him) they finally had a diagnosis of appendicitis and he was scheduled for emergency surgery a few hours later.

I get to work at 7 am. I did no work. I was on the phone with his brother and the brothers gf. Texting with his mother (which THAT conversation would make a blog site in itself) and trying to plan a course of action with my dad. What ended up happening. I booked a last second flight at 9:30 in the morning. I left work at 10 to go home throw clothes in a bag, take the dog out, make a call to my friend up the street for him to take care of the animals for me (which side note, ladies, good looking Christian ladies especially, if you are looking for a manly, hot, honestly, smart, and all around wonderful man. Send me a message, because he is single at the moment and deserves a wonderful woman!) , dad came over to take me to rental car place and I was in a brand new red mustang driving to Las Vegas at 11am. Got to Vegas just in time to return car and get on plane. Arriving to ND somewhere around 11pm. The “friend” I made on the flight there offered me and our fellow new friend a ride to our stops. After dropping off Amanda (new native American friend) I was told to stay away from native Americans…. Needless to say I was in total shock. Apparently, according to a ND native, all American Indians are drunken thieves, despite that fact that Amanda was totally nice, friendly, and I got NO vibe of her being anything other than normal middle aged woman… whatever, welcome to racism… So I got to the hospital and yeah… they made a bed for me in his room. He had surgery that morning before I got there so he was being released the morning after I arrived. It was only because he was going to be completely by himself with no help that I went. Cause I knew that with that kind of surgery he wasn’t going to be able to go out for groceries, shower, take care of himself, etc.  so yeah, I spent the weekend taking care of him. His appendix burst AS they were removing it so it was not as bad as it could have been but bad enough... that was one of those, if we were not already working on him it would've been pretty bad situations. I was told that night that 40 cc's of toxic fluid was drained from the part of the appendix that had NOT exploded yet. Fun times right??? gah

Flew back to Vegas Monday night, flight was delayed so I ended up staying the night. A booked me a room through Expedia at the Luxor . Well, due to some issue with their “system” they hadn’t received it but since my phone was still charged I was able to show them the reservation… long story short, for the price of a kind size bed normal room… I was put one of their 8 honeymoon suites…. And I gotta say it was pretty bomb diggity… not the best suite I’ve been in but hells bells it was nice. Free Champaign for my “troubles” … so I drank and sat in the hot tub to relax before knocking out.

Since I stayed the night I went into the place we’re getting married at this year and made some basic decisions on flowers, arrangements, aisle décor, and other girly shit that I’m not good at doing.

Gotta say they make it pretty simple. I think if I had known what I wanted it would’ve been much quicker but since they were essentially walking me through ALL the options it took a couple of hours. Checked out the hair styles, asked some questions, reserved my rehearsal time, and yeah, was on the road by noon.

A’s mom told him that since she knew I had spent a lot of money to go out there and take care of him that she wanted to pay for half since she wasn’t able to go to help. Her being old, slow, and blind prevented her from being there for him. Not that she was actually going to be able to help and had she gone, it would’ve been harder on him… let’s not bother to look at that… Anyways, since it’s not MY job to take care of him… it’s still apparently her place; whatever… she offered to pay. So as poor can’t have principles… I accepted. She wrote me a check for half of what I paid to get out there and back. It’s whatever. I’ll take the help if it’s offered, no matter how effed it is of her to say something like that.

Anyways, it has been a week since all of that and he’s doing much better. His cuts are healed up and he is able to move around pain free. He was still on pain meds up until yesterday, as of today he says he doesn’t need them. So that’s good. It was nice to see him since before this little trip the last time I saw him was labor day weekend. His boss was cool about the time off and even moved his truck from the illegal parking job he did getting to the emergency room. He’s got a cool boss at this place… actually helpful and considerate. I like that.

So that was my terrifying weekend. It doesn’t look so bad when I type it all out and that is precisely why I do this blog. To vent and take a step back to say, that wasn’t all that scary…

Moving on.

Going to miss...

Certain realties have begun sneaking into my brain, especially when I try to sleep. With everything going on and costs skyrocketing I’m not sure how I’ll sleep over the course of the next few weeks. I understand that it is all completely “do-able” but at what cost? At wrecking my credit? At getting myself into a landslide of debt? Having to make difficult choices is not one of my strengths; I’m more likely to opt for making life/situations harder on myself before asking anyone else to help. Take the upcoming moving situation for example. I’ll be renting a vehicle that is large enough for one giant dog, 4 crated cats, an overnight bag, and myself. How this will work I have NO CLUE, but I know one thing, I’ll MAKE it work. Figure out some sort of barrier for the back seat or something and probably sneeze/cry/scream-a-long to songs while driving. I will plan to do all this (as-per-use “worst case scenario” plan) before I ask that anyone else come along, especially for free. I’ll always offer to pay (secretly hoping they wont accept) since time is money and giving your time and tolerance to me is worth more than I can ever give back. I don’t know that anyone is available to take their car/truck/suv along and take a species with them so I’m pretty much planning to take them all myself. I see three sleepless days of driving ahead of me…

It hit me today, hard. Last night I hung out with my buddy Alex (he’s my older brothers bestie, but he’s here and my brother never was…so HE is my brother, a damn good one at that!) last night. Been able to hang out a few times in the last month. He’s awesome. And it totally sucks that right as we’re getting close, I’m leaving. FAR FAR FAR away. L and what hit me this morning was that he was my first goodbye of this month. I don’t know that I’ll get the chance to see him before I leave, so we said goodbye last night. And it sucked! Made me painfully aware of all the remaining moments at “home”.

I can see the positive side in everything, it’s a curse, not a gift… but there has been a heightened awareness of my surroundings, about who I love, what I love, who I’m with and what we’re doing together. Making sure not to lose sight of any of it and making doubly sure not to take any moment for granted. It leads to constant heart ache (and stomach issues – guess this might help losing weight) as well as a whole lot of moments of having my breath taken away. Sarah called it physical symptoms of sadness, anxiety, and fear. Nice Sarah, nice….

I hate saying goodbye. While I know I have some of the greatest friends in the world… correction, I have all of the greatest friends in the world. You think you do, I KNOW I do… your friends suck, and mine could kick their ass. Ha! My friends find ways to reconnect and travel all over to see each other, especially for events (like my wedding boo-yah bitches my friends ROCK). I love hard and my friends equally so if not more. I care so deeply about the people in my life knowing full well that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for the people in my life. However small of an impact it was an impact nonetheless. Btw- loving people as much as I do… is exhausting… I get so wrapped up in someone else that I tend to let others fall by the wayside, only to go and reconnect to care about them more than anyone else…. It’s a cycle and I hate to think anyone in my life doesn’t feel loved or appreciated by me.

So all last night I kept making mental notes of all the stuff I’m going to miss about living in Southern California surrounded by familiarity, family, friends, love, and life. Ideally, I’ll be able to look back at this and think, “wow, I may have left that behind but look what I have now!”… I doubt it… but I can hope. If you know me in real life (rather than cyber stalkers) you know that if nothing else, I hope.

Keep in mind this a personal list for me (which of course you are welcome to read, otherwise why put it out here…) but if something doesn’t make sense ask, I love to elaborate. Plus it’ll keep my memories fresh!


*the screen doors at Hellman, slamming behind me…

*green grass on well manicured lawns

*wrapping the kids in my sweaters and them popping out like little birds

*getting to see my dad at least once a week

*dirty rain in Los Angeles while walking through China town

*the peacocks at the Arboretum

*the gourmet coffee machine that makes Milky Way Hot Chocolate with an espresso shot of French Vanilla coffee…

*getting out of various tickets.

*smoggy sunsets (its beautiful – all the oranges and reds)

*hills at Mt. SAC

*Gus’s BBQ… awesome food, awesome people

*the “unofficial book club” at work, 50 shades of cheese, dragons, game of thrones, and many more

*fireworks, illegally obtained from Native Americans outside of Las Vegas…

*scaring the Asians in my neighborhood while walking Pebbles in the morning.

*videotaping the kids singing along in the back seat.

*summers at the beach, winters are better….

*Starbucks runs with the best co-workers ever

*Restaurant Row in Monrovia, driving while “take a pic”

*inside movie picnics with the kids

*the kids baseball and soccer games

*Solvang (and all the various drives up there)

*Mt. Shasta

*being able to see mountains every day, especially when walking out the front door…

*Big Bear

*being so close to friends that swinging by to pick them up isn’t even a thought.

*my vet, he rocks! No one can deal with the amount of kittens I’ve brought him over the years nearly as well as he has.

*San Diego Zoo memberships… I’ve seen the zoo in Bismarck and one in Montana… Not. Even. Close.

*San Diego

*bi-weekly check-in dinners

*task rabbit jobs

*Fresh And Easy

*drive in movies

*conversations on “missed windows” while starring at an open window

*the view of the city from THAT apartment

*farmers markets

*hugs from the kids

*running into kids from student teaching who are HUGE now (and further proof of how long it’s been)

*trying to record Karine to figure out what language she is speaking while yelling… I think it’s a drug ring… just saying…

*doughnuts in DCHS parking lot

*driving past shitty places I’ve lived knowing I never have to go back

*quick trips to Lancaster (needed to do more of those in the last ten years, and I have sadly haven’t)

*walking rescued pit bulls and the ability to keep up with them on hikes

*people/weirdo watching at Runyon Canyon

*microbrew hoping

*crazy cat lady conversations in front of unsuspecting victims of craziness…

*that mysterious stain in the living room

*mani/pedi’s with Laura and the girls (being there for both of their “firsts”)

*people that I love the most being less than a day’s drive away….

Yep... I'm going to miss being here.

OF COURSE… Train’s “This Ain’t Goodbye” off their album Save Me, San Francisco is what comes up on Pandora right now… well played…