The number one reason is....

Reason #1 why I hate my mother in law: she missed my sons first birthday party because she didn’t feel she was “formally invited”.

She was invited. She was given the information. Her invite just wasn’t handed to her the way it was for everyone else. Stupid me, I thought that I only needed to print enough out for people that had jobs and other events they would be missing to inform them a month in advance. Then I printed the ones off for people I knew would be there (like my family) later and handed those to them (for their memory boxes and whatnot) at the party.

To be completely honest I liked her, she didn’t seem to be terribly mean and all was well.

A and I got engaged and then she was snarky, I wasn’t happy with her but whatever, it is what it is.

We get married, she rips me apart to A just a week before the wedding threatening not to come… I’m really not pleased with her but we’re 1600 miles away so whatever, I can deal.

The in-laws come visit and she makes insanely inappropriate comments about me, our home, my job, our weight, nothing is off limits. I don’t like her now but whatever… I can deal.

She “chooses” not to be a my sons first birthday party after we travelled 1600 miles with him so all the grandparents could be there to celebrate as well… and I fucking hate her.

I was BESIDE myself with rage, and it only got worse as the day wore on… because it was then made clear that she had called my brother in law, not for a ride to the party but to bash my husband and I (mostly me). A was great, kept me calm, was reassuring, he was fantastic… his family, not so much.

SO this all comes to a head when we miss our flight and have to rebook and all hell breaks loose with our schedule and even though A promised his parents “no more surprises” (to which I joked to A that we should call when we’re about to have sex to let them know there is a 1/1,000,000 chance I could get pregnant but we don’t want them to be surprised) …. He calls them to say we’re coming over to talk… because he was so incredibly disappointed in their behavior

A SHIT STORM ensued.

I look at the silver lining. At least A had the chance to defend himself for the petty bullshit they were claiming as gross disrespect and he even stood up for me a bit in there too.

But these people were making accusations about situations they knew nothing about and screaming in front of my child… after missing his party because they were not “formally invited”.

They can get fucked.

I know all too well how kids are used as pawns and how parents (usually divorced, have used the kids as bargaining tools) so when A said “you’re not going to be allowed in his life” a little alarm went off in my head. I told him, “no don’t do that” even though I know these people are toxic and shouldn’t have access to my child…. Because that’s what abuse does… it cycles, and you think you can fix it…

Well

You can’t.

The arguments went on a little longer and A loses it, like a screaming level I’ve never heard before loses it. I was off to the side and could see veins bulging in his neck and I’ve never heard him so loud. Hand to God, I was worried he was going to have a heart attack.

We left.

He was livid. Took me an hour to calm him down to where he could formulate a sentence that made sense. For that alone I wanted to hurt them, even without the drama surrounding my child… for hurting A I wanted so badly to hurt them.

As the week has progressed A has only said that until someone dies he doesn’t expect, or want, to hear from them… and even then….

Even in the midst of the yelling and the drama I laughed because my child is amazing. They don’t deserve to get to know him… but while the MIL got up in my face and was shaking her finger at me Joe was on my side saying “no no no” and my knee-jerk reaction was to laugh and smile at him. Which I’m sure only infuriated her more… but I don’t care. Because I don’t have to care they are a non-entity in our lives. This could be shitty but this could also be an amazing leap forward for our family. I’m going to stay positive because if I continue to dwell on their bullshit I’ll end up hiring someone.

Fun fact – thanks to not getting home in time, missing work and spending too much money… we might not make it back in June for the wedding… but even if we do make it back… we’re not going to the wedding. Good times!