Stress

STRESS

It makes my stomach go to knots and feel like I can't totally juggle it all. But then I do, I'm not sure how, but I do. I remember going to school full time, working, boyfriend that I had to baby all the time, babysitting, and all the other stuff I had to do daily, and yet somehow I did it. Not sure how, but I did, and I find myself feeling that way again now. Only with different set of challenges. 

First off, I've been added to the organizer side of a Meetup Group. You know, that website you go to when you want to get out and meet people, network, and maybe make some friends based on common interest or something like that. Well, I had joked about making my own for California Crazies, which I could've, but there was already a group put together of people that are from all over and found themselves trapped here in the great white north with NO support system. I fell in love with this group. Everyone (except that one guy thats kinda a douche)  has been super nice and wants to hang out and spend time together. Hell, I even have a group of women to work out with, we're challenging and motivating each other, and just having a great damn time. I LOVE IT. Plus, after being here a few months and only hanging out with A, I kinda want to murder him. I need outlets that I can go grab lunch with, or have a drink with to bitch about things that A wouldn't understand or doesn't care to hear about. So yea, I have that now. It's exciting and terrifying and I love it. My best friends are great with keeping up and skyping and they are totally there for me and I love them for it. But I need people here. Heaves pointed it out tonight, I need to call my new friends cause I don't have my friends that I've known for 20 PLUS years to call to help me move lumber from my driveway into the garage. Anyways, I've been recruited to be one of the organizers for this group to get in there and plan and be at events consistently and honestly, it's A LOT to take on. There's something going on roughly every fourth day with only 5 organizers, one of which is going to be working out of state for the next couple of months. BUT I figured, since the weather is improving A is going out to the field more so I really need to build up some external relationships and have something to do besides mope around at home.

Ah, yes, home. Let's discuss that area of stress. WE FINALLY FUCKING MOVED IN. Yes, unbeliveable, I KNOW. It's crazy, everything is still in boxes. We've unpacked one bathroom and our bedroom. I even set up the extra bed in the second bedroom as well as a partial set up of the guest bathroom. But the cats are in the third bedroom/office. So they are finally home and loving life back in the normal routine of having a home. They are running around the room around already stinking it up. Along with that we are finishing the basement so that they can roam the house freely and we can have people over and actually have the fun place to hang out. With that A is discovering how much "stuff" I have. He's seen my storage but never really thought about how much those boxes translated into. Example, I have over 15 pieces of Corningwear, at least three SETS of glass mixing bowls, and more than enough glasses (especially the orange juice ones) but everytime I tried to tell him he must've just blocked it out. So now he's seeing it all and freaking out, in a good way, but I have to say I'm finding it funny. 

So with the house, we're realizing how much SPACE we have and trying to decide what to do with aforementioned space. Originally, we I first moved him out here and we put the money down for the house we threw words around like "nursery" and "kids room"... after some doctor visits we're using phrases like "office space" "guest room" and "storage".... and I HATE IT. I feel like we just got here and there's stuff everywhere but it's EMPTY. Ya know? I'm hating it. I love being in the house and the new good friends (all of which don't have kids - thus the point of the group) and getting to know the area, at the same time I feel like something is missing. So cliche I KNOW, believe me, I cringed typing that right now. It's been majorly depressing the last few months after finding out that my chances of baby are slim to none. While there is NOTHING I can do about it as of yet, doctor appointment coming soon to see IF there are any options, it's just a bummer sitting around knowing that nothing is going to happen unless we can MAKE it happen and all the mixed emotions there... so of course, I turn to school, thinking maybe if I dive in there I can distract myself for a couple of years until something might happen or until I just give up completely. 

My work will help pay for part of my tuition so I'm looking at going back for a degree in Accounting so I can try and do something from home. Cause, let's pretend that I CAN have kids, I'd like to be able to stay home with them without breaking the bank or A. So for now, college is the place to be and the thing to do. I just need to figure out where I'm going and how I can make it happen IF work doesn't come through and pay for it. 

And then, there is this other thing I'm getting into, called kickball. I know, lame, right. NOT. It's really cool. There is a group that develops teams and does all the "work" really, like getting the t-shirts made, getting teams together, and setting up the schedule. Oh wait, "they" don't, a marketing director does. But wait, it gets better, that market director, GET'S PAID. Seriously?! To organize, arrange and PLAY, ummm yes please. SO it's in the works. I just need to get some more information before I book my flight to hotlanta for training and more education on how it all works. Once that is all ready then yea I'll be organizing, arranging and PLAYING kickball for some extra cash. C'mon, there isn't a whole lot of goings on out here for a large chunk of the year, in the summer this place comes ALIVE. BUT not for adults who don't have kids in sports. So it seems like a great fit to bring something out here for those people, much like myself. 

Anyways

all of this is the stuff that is going on, about to be going on, or (as in case of baby) not at all. I'm just not sure how to process it all or what to do when and the order of operations. 

GAH

life is crazy and I love it and hate it all at the same time....